I couldn't resist this headline

Can paintballs legally deter intrusive hookers?

Seriously. What's up Seattle?

Oh, Reuters Oddly Enough

This is one of those really great stories, and I must say, I love journalism with punch lines.

*Thanks to Jon

Seriously?

Why would anyone do this? Talk about peer pressure...

Rumor has it...

As a response to the slew of viral e-smears that have been circulating the internet, a Slate writer comes up with his own e-mail filled with the sorts of goodies all proper Americans want to hear about Barack Obama. Some excerpts:

Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.

There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.

Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.

Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.

500th post!

Ha ha.

California Facing Drought

With this spring being the driest on record for much of the state, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger declared California to be in an official drought. What is being done to offset the effects of the water crisis?

• Gardeners must haul their own water from Mexico


• Wolfgang Puck to unveil new line of waterless meals


• Upon the conclusion of each Shamu Show at San Diego's SeaWorld, all persons seated in the Splash Zone must wring out their wet clothes over the lip of the orca tank


• Local radio stations required to play Garbage's "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" on the hour


• San Francisco will probably think up something young and hip to do


• Wildfires only allowed to rage out of control on odd-numbered days


• Spending $40 million to promote Napa Valley's new Chunky Pinot Noir


• Top scientific minds will be summoned to see if they can somehow utilize the immense body of water immediately to the state's left

*From The Onion, though the drought is very real.

Meanwhile, in Vegas (which is in the middle of a $%!&ing desert):

Monday - Friday

3:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
show every 1/2 hour
8:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m.
show every 15 minutes

Saturdays, Sundays and Holidays

12:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
show every 1/2 hour
8:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m.
show every 15 minutes

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA!

Move over, Ozzfest: Motley Crue announces Crue Fest (AP)